Like Nobody Else
by VaingloriousHound
Summary: When Tsunade heard that Naruto and Jiraiya would return from their training trip with two new residents for Konoha, she had expected some pacified mortal enemy, or even Orochimaru himself. Just not the brat's child with the mother to boot. One-Shot!


**Like Nobody Else**

* * *

**A/N: Noted a lack of new NaruTayu stories. Here's my answer to that problem.**

**I purposefully never actually used neither Naruto's or Tayuya's POV.**

* * *

About a week - _six days to be precise_ \- before Naruto and Jiraiya were supposed to return, Tsunade got a letter from a toad. In it, she found a lame explanation of her idiot teammate, stating that he and his student would take a month longer than planned. As much as it annoyed her, she was fine with it. However, the letter went on to explain that she could expect two new residents for Konoha to return with them.

Tsunade put the letter down and sighed. It didn't surprise her that Naruto would make new friends when left mostly alone to run rampant all across the Elemental Nations, but did he have to drag them back here? If it was another jinchuriki, Tsunade would quit. If nothing else, she was sure it would at least be some pacified former enemy turned best friend. She glanced back at the letter. And two at once at that!

Thus Tsunade decided to end the day early. If Naruto was dragging back two new "friends" she needed all the sake she could get before the headaches would start coming in spades. And as one month turned into two, went from two to four and finally stretched to six entire months, Tsunade ran out of sake.

* * *

It was a quiet day at gates of Konoha. Some may find that boring, but both Izumo and Kotetsu preferred it that way. Every day was a good day when no one was trying to kill you. Izumo sniffed as haughty as possible at a merchant that had "lost" his license when Kotetsu tapped him on the shoulder.

"What?"

"You seeing that, too?" he asked, nodding towards the gate.

Izumo craned his head, looking over the merchants. His eyes widened. "Oi, isn't that-?"

"He's grown tall," Kotetsu remarked.

"And who's that with him? Is that Kazekage Gaara?" Izumo grew worried. "Shit! Did we miss something?! Tsunade's going to murder us!"

"That's not the Kazekage," Kotetsu frowned. "The hair is far too long. And that one is smaller." He squinted after them as they left the gate behind. "Is that... a girl?"

Suddenly a tall man walked out of the crowd towards them, previously utterly unnoticed. Both of the gate guards had to peer up almost an entire foot to meet the easy grin of none other than Jiraiya of the Sannin.

"Hey there, we're back."

* * *

Sakura was just about to lose it and deck the man that sat on her examination table when the door was opened by a someone. With one last withering glare at the idiot that had the audacity to try and woo her at work, Sakura turned to the nurse- _No wait_, that was one of the Genin here on a D-Rank mission. She felt herself smile. To think this little girl was only four years younger than her.

"What can I help you with?" she asked, ignoring the protest of the soon to be punching bag.

The girl blushed. Gosh, had she been this small once? "There's a lady that's here for checkup! S-She's real scary!"

Sakura sighed. This was the shinobi part of the hospital after all and the older kunoichi were simply terrifying at best. _Just look at Anko_. That woman had traumatized more children than enemies, which allegedly made her really bad at her job at Torture and Interrogation.

"I'll be there in a minute," she told the girl. "Just have to finish that." She glared at the rapidly paling man over her shoulder. What a pathetic excuse for a chunin.

So - _after the chunin left the hospital with more aches that he had initially arrived with_ \- Sakura went to the reception to see to the lady that had come for checkup.

The main doors chimed close just as she arrived to see a petite redhead scowl severely after whoever had just left. In her arms, wrapped in a thick, worn looking blanket, was a tiny, equally redheaded baby.

The Genin from before scurried by. The woman hissed at her, and the young girl squeaked in fright, almost dropping the armful of papers she carried, and sprinted down the hall.

The redhead laughed quietly, rocking the baby, which gurgled happily in response. Well, like mother so... daughter; probably. It was a 50/50 chance. With a practiced smile, Sakura approached her.

"Hello," she greeted quietly as to not startle the baby. "What can I do for you?"

"Why the fuck are you whispering?" the redhead asked, not looking up from her child.

Sakura blinked. "Uhm." Right, Kunoichi were scary, strange and brazen. Sakura knew she was scary if she wanted to be. "For the baby, I- Never mind. I heard you're here for a checkup? For the baby, I assume?"

The woman looked up. Hm, she couldn't have been older than Sakura. And already a baby? "You got that right, pinky." Sakura's brow twitched. "The old pervert said I better get her immunized or something."

Her smile was a bit strained. "Right, we can do that. You'll have to fill in some forms before that, though." Sakura reached over the reception counter and grabbed one of the clipboards that were stacked there. "Here."

The woman scowled, looking mutinous enough to refuse, but finally arranged the baby girl against her shoulder, who wore an orange onsie, Sakura noticed, and took the clipboard. She scanned the contents. "You know," she said after a moment. "The only thing I can reliably fill in here is my fucking name."

"Oh." _Oh, indeed_. Was she a refugee? They still came from all across the country. Things didn't look too good in the Land of Fire in the moment. That aside, Sakura didn't remember a kunoichi (or anyone for that matter) with hair that distinctive. Aside from Gaara, who - as far as Sakura knew - had no other siblings and/or children.

"Well, I suppose that will do for now. We take care of your daughter first, the legal stuff comes later."

With a disgruntled nod, the woman filled her name into the paper and handed the clipboard back. "Right, so Tayuya Uz- _Ack_!" She bit her tongue. "Uzumaki?"

"The father's name, Naruto Uzumaki," Tayuya supplied shortly, back to tending to her child.

Sakura licked her lips. "Right," she said absently. "I uh, need to check on something. Would you... wait here, a moment?"

Without waiting for a response, Sakura sprinted out of the hospital and towards the Hokage tower. Because there was just _no way_, right? Couldn't be their Naruto, right?

* * *

"Yo. We're- _UGH_!"

Tsunade threw her pen the moment she heard the window slide open. Jiraiya, who barely had half a second to get comfortable on the window sill, was hit by the projectile right between the eyes and promptly fell out of the window.

"Ah." _Damn reflexes_. Well, Tsunade mused to herself, maybe this would teach him to use the damn door.

And not a moment later, another window slid open. She resisted the urge to throw a paperweight and turned around instead. It wasn't Jiraiya this time, but Naruto. Taller, shorter hair and a lot less orange, but he was definitely Naruto. Just without the baby fat.

"Yo, granny! _ACK_!

The paper weight hit his shoulder and he, too, tumbled out of the window. "I told you to stop calling me _granny_ you brat!" she hollered after him.

Out of the four windows that the office had side by side so one could view all of Konoha in a quite nice panorama view, yet another one opened. Tsunade didn't even hesitate before grabbing her chair and slamming it right in Jiraiya's face, the pen she had thrown earlier still somehow lodged in his forehead, and he fell out of the window yet again.

"And use the god damn door!"

The fourth and final window open, accompanied by a draft of wind that scattered all but a few of the multiple papers that had rested on Tsunade's desk through the office, and Naruto. The latter was promptly greeted by a flying drop kick to the chest, sending him flying back into the village.

"You, too, you god damn brat!"

So when Shizune entered the room, not only were all the windows open, a fresh breezed playing with all of Tsunade's assorted document and scattering them more and more all throughout the office, but her chair was missing as well while Tsunade stood in front of the windows, beating heavily and face flushing in anger.

The younger woman sighed. "Have you been drinking again? Naruto and Jiraiya aren't even back yet."

Shizune had to doge an inkwell and a seal stamp.

* * *

"You didn't change at all."

Tsunade threateningly waved her paper weight at the blonde boy- well, young adult - sitting in the chair she had thrown at Jiraiya earlier. "Don't push it, brat!" She glared at him for a few seconds before she let the smile split her lips that she had held back for so long. "And it's good to see you back home."

Naruto smiled back, and while she couldn't tell anything odd about it, it was still different. Not as wide, not as exuberant. Actually... mature. She hadn't expected him to mature at all, given that he was traveling with a huge man child for three and a half years. "That said..." She rounded on Jiraiya. "You are late! Half a god damned year late!"

Jiraiya rubbed his head, more to ease the growing bruise than a sheepish gesture. "Hey, I told you we would-"

"One month!" she hissed back. "You said one, _single_, month! Not six!"

He shrugged his shoulders, casting his eyes to his pupil. "Well, something came up."

Tsunade looked from him to Naruto and back again. "Hm," she huffed before sitting down heavily. "Fine. Be that way. Let's talk results. How strong is he?"

Jiraiya smiled triumphantly at her. "Ah!" he exclaimed, slapping a huge hand on Naruto's shoulder. "He's more powerful than I thought the idiot would become!"

"Hey!" Naruto shouted, glaring at him.

"And how strong is that exactly? High Chunin? Special Jonin?"

Naruto pouted at her and Jiraiya slapped his shoulder again. "I said stronger than expected!" Jiraiya rose from his seat. "He couldn't quite beat me, but I really wouldn't want to bet on that anymore since he figured out how to coat a Rasengan in wind."

Tsunade blinked rapidly at them. "You... aren't serious, right? You would put him at Kage level?"

Jiraiya nodded, grinning widely. "He could beat your ass if he so desired. And that's when he fights alone! You should see him with-!" He interrupted himself, clapping his hands together. "Oh that's right! We haven't old you about-!"

Suddenly the door to her office was kicked off it's hinges. Five ANBU simultaneously dropped from the ceiling just as Sakura barged inside. "Master!" she huffed and puffed, her face so red, she might set her hair on fire, "There's a woman with a baby at the hospital who says it's Naruto's!" She skidded to halt right in front of Jiraiya, who gave her a once over.

Silence.

"See?" the Sannin said, indicating Sakura with both his hands.

Naruto did as his master had done and eyed Sakura critically, who blinked unintelligibly at them. "Well, I mean, her chest is still the same. So I guess you were right about something."

Tsunade stared at them for a long suffering second and before Sakura could break out of her stupor and realized what Naruto had just said, she dismissed the ANBU and rose from her chair. "Right, hold up," she said, walking around the table. "What was that about a woman and a baby?"

Sakura, whose eyes turned murderous for a second, accompanied by a luminescent blush, turned to her. "Yes, uh-! The woman said that Naruto is her baby's father!"

Tsunade took a deep breath. Neither Naruto nor Jiraiya reacted in confusion or outrage. She feared the worst. "Spill it!" she ordered.

"Well," Jiraiya began, "I believe I told you we would have two new residents."

"Yes, yes," Tsunade waved off, "What about the baby part?"

Naruto took the word. "I mean, she's mine and all, but it's not like you-!"

Sakura attempted a right cross right at the back of Naruto's head, but he ducked out of the way faster than Tsunade could follow and just barely stopped before he would have twisted and broken Sakura's arm. He stood taut for a second, his eyes sharp, before his shoulders relaxed. "You really ought to stop that, Sakura," he advised sourly. "Could've hurt you..."

"Sakura, sit the hell down and someone explain to me why you-," she jabbed her finger at Naruto, "-have a baby!"

"A daughter," Naruto corrected, smiling. "She'll be two next fall!"

Tsunade could barely believe what she heard. She rounded on Jiraiya. "Tell me," she demanded icily, just short of exploding.

"Whoa! Hey!" He raised his hands defensively. "That isn't my fault! We all ought to thank Orochimaru for that!"

"Well," Naruto injected thoughtfully, "I wouldn't really thank him, but it might be enough to kill him quickly."

"Right," Jiraiya agreed before turning back to her. "The short version is, we found her in a hideout in some kind of incubator, where she was... _well_, giving birth to a baby Orochimaru produced using Naruto's DNA and her body."

"He did freakin' _what_!?" Tsunade nearly shouted. "Why would he ever-!?" She stopped herself, releasing a long suffering sigh. "You know, I'm sure I don't want to know what he could have done with the baby... So you took both the baby and the mother with you, is that it?"

Naruto nodded happily. "Yeah! We found all those papers and folders and all of them basically said that I had a baby!"

"How are you so happy about that?" Sakura spoke up from where she had sunken into a chair.

"Are you kidding?" Naruto responded excitedly, turning to her. "I have baby daughter! Did you even see her? She's so cute!" He turned to Sakura. "She's cute, right!?"

_Oookay_. Leave it to Naruto to take that in stride. "What about the girl?" Tsunade asked.

"Oh, right." Naruto laughed. "She was really pissed when she woke up, but she wouldn't leave the baby and I didn't want to either so we took her with us. She's damn sexy by the way. She has those awesome dimples right above her hips and that things she can do with her..."

Tsunade's eyebrows twitched. And there was Jiraiya's influence...

"And what... is she to you?" Sakura asked, looking terribly pale.

Naruto grinned at her. "Oh, we're lovers!"

Sakura squinted at him as if to make sure that it really was Naruto she talked to before she slumped over in the chair, either fainted or just finished with this conversation.

"Lovers?" Tsunade asked incredulously.

"Well, we have sex and-"

"Jiraiya!" she interrupted him, "You god damn pervert!"

"Hey!" the man exclaimed. "This isn't my fault! The girl came on strong!"

"Heh, that she did," Naruto grinned to himself, a dreamy smile on his lips.

She threw the paperweight right in his face.

* * *

After she taped Naruto to a chair, stuffed Jiraiya under a sofa and sent Sakura back to do her damn job, Tsunade decided that it was time to meet the wife. And the child. _Wait, hold up_. She was a _grandmother_ now! Well, if the child ever got to meet her, then definitely. Otherwise she wasn't really _that_ blood related to Naruto, Kushina's family and her own grandmother's should have been quite far apart so she had no obligations to be anyone's grandma.

Ah, who was she kidding? She would love to!

_Not that anyone needed to know that..._

"One more pervert joke and I will kick you straight to the hospital. Understood?" she threatened. Naruto nodded meekly, his split lip already visibly healing. Wow, had that gotten faster, too? "Now tell me about this daughter of yours and why I shouldn't freak out?"

"Because she's adorable?" said Naruto, though somehow it sounded more like a question.

She scowled at him. "First things first. Her name."

Naruto grinned broadly at her, leaning forward and straining against his binds. "Akari!" he proclaimed proudly. "Her birthday is the 29th of September and she's adorable! Did I mention she's adorable? I'm sure I did, she's so adorable after all!"

Tsunade had seen this before. He was just like all those other new fathers, barely able to contain themselves. It was baffling to see Naruto like that. That wasn't to say she hadn't expected him to never have children. Just not when he was so awfully young. Then again, they started killing when they were just thirteen and Naruto was almost seventeen.

She sighed, rubbing her aching temples. "Akari, huh? Was that your idea?"

He nodded rapidly, excitedly, almost jumping in his chair. "I got to choose! Tayuya may be a bit crass and _totally_ violent but she's so sweet as well! She let me name her and all I had to do was be the father the baby deserved!"

That sounded awfully mature. "How old is she anyways?"

"Who? Tayuya? Uhm, as old as me, I guess?" He tilted his head. "Does that matter? And while we're talking about this, can Jiraiya go get her? I kinda miss her already."

"Whipped!" Jiraiya wheezed from under the sofa, before another paperweight hit him. "Ouch! How many of these do you even- _ARGH_!"

"One more if you open your mouth again," threatened Tsunade. She turned back to Naruto, who was happily wiggling in his chair. "How are you not upset by this? Like, at all."

He shrugged. "I mean... it was strange and all. Tayuya actually kicked my ass after she woke up, which was just five minutes after she had, you know, given birth and all that 'cause she thought I raped her." He scowled. "That kinda pissed me off more than the baby."

"You didn't even know it was yours by then," Jiraiya voiced from behind him.

Tsunade merely lifted the paperweight from the desk and Jiraiya fell silent again. She motioned for Naruto to go on, pointing the - by the way, Kunai-shaped - paperweight in Naruto's face. Blunt or not, those hurt. Which was one of the reasons she had those in the first place.

"Uh, yeah," he said nervously, "Jiraiya found all those papers and reports." He threw a glare over his shoulder, "But only ever said that when she had already broken my jaw! Yeah well... anyways. We got out of there as fast as possible and, uh, well..."

"You decided to go gallivanting through all of the god damn continent with not only a recently woken coma patient, but with a newborn baby just as well," Tsunade finished icily. "For, what? One and a half years?"

Naruto swallowed nervously. "Uhm... it was Jiraiya's idea?"

The white haired Sannin gaped disbelievingly at his pupil. "You-! You little shit! How could you- _UGH!_" She Kunai-shaped paperweight nailed him right in the throat, leaving him to cough and gag violently.

Tsunade sighed. "Fine. Not like I can change this anymore." She stood from her chair. "Let's get the girl here. I've run out of paperweights to throw anyways."

* * *

Sakura arrived with the redhead and the baby version of her half an hour later. Tsunade blinked rapidly once she laid eyes upon the child. The little girl looked just like Kushina once had. Well, it would be better to say that the baby- that Akari - would one day look a lot like the seven year old Kushina had when she came to Konoha to have the Kyuubi sealed inside her. The resemblance was uncanny, the similarity in their eyes was almost disturbing. Orochimaru couldn't possibly have anything to do with that... right?

"Fucking hell, what'd they feed you to get those tits so huge?"

Tsunade immediately frowned at the young woman. Right... Another brat. _Perfect_.

"You know... I wondered about that, too," Naruto muttered, taking the baby from her arms without any offered resistance. The process was too smooth. It almost hurt to look at them. The baby girl immediately gurgled happily, tiny arms reaching for her father. Naruto. Her father was Naruto.

_Naruto had a child. _

It would take some time to let that sink in.

She shook her head before scowling at Tayuya. "That's Lady Hokage with the huge tits to you, young lady."

The girl just snorted. "Lady, _hah_."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes. "So you somehow managed to get yourself pregnant with the brat's child."

The redhead rolled her's in response. "Yeah, I think you mean _the snake pedo with the unhealthy Uzumaki fetish thought it would be fun to get me pregnant with lover boy's child while I was still out cold_."

The Hokage raised an eyebrow. "_Lover boy_?"

She pointed at Naruto. "Him. Who'd you think of? That aside, one hell of a lover he is..." She trailed off, moving over to Naruto. Little Akari grabbed onto her fingers as soon as they were in reach, laughing. "That said, we're not gonna sleep tonight. And it won't be the baby's fault." She licked her lips and Naruto countered with a strangely mature grin.

Gosh, they grew up so fast...

"Could you not!?" Sakura exclaimed, beet red in the face. Jiraiya merely nodded proudly from his perch on the window sill-

_That god damn-!_

Tsunade almost forgot how prude the girl was. "I couldn't care less about that," she said, though she was very much abhorred by the thought and did not need anymore info on that than necessary, "Let's just get this over with. I need a name and a date of birth to start a file for you," she pointed at Tayuya, "And the rest I'll probably have to make up."

The redhead looked up from the baby, an almost calculating look in her eyes, before she turned back to Naruto, smiling. "Yeah," she said, "You can put it down as Tayuya Uzumaki. I dunno about my birthday but I guess I'll take Akari's."

"You could take, like, a day sometime in November," Naruto remarked. "We'd have a birthday to celebrate each month."

"Celebrate, huh?" Tayuya grinned. "Do we need an excuse to "_celebrate_" I wonder?"

"Stop that!" Sakura whined. She turned to glare at Jiraiya. "How did you turn him into such a fiend?"

"Me!?" Jiraiya exclaimed aghast. "Oh, he did that all by himself, let me tell you that! If anyone's to blame for this, then it's her!" He pointed an accusing finger at Tayuya, but he was grinning somewhat proudly.

A loud whine rang through the office, obviously coming from Akari. Naruto handed his daughter - _for the love of all that was sacred, Tsunade would not get used to this_ \- to Tayuya, who pulled her tunic open without warning. The baby latched onto the exposed breast with practiced ease.

Tsunade could see the indignation and embarrassment on Sakura's face from here. Her eyes immediately searched Jiraiya's face, but there was no leer to be found. He looked at them... fondly. Tsunade had to admit, the two of them were an almost too painful reminder of Minato and Kushina. Well, aside from the fact that Naruto was nowhere near Minato's level of aloofness and that Kushina wouldn't curse like that if she were paid to do it. The woman had actually been an awful prude.

Sakura, caught in between the need to chastise public indecency and getting between a small baby girl and her meal, opened her mouth only to close it again and finally sat down in a chair with a defeated sigh. "She's very healthy," she commented tiredly, "just so you know. Took the immunizations without any fuss."

"She ain't got that from me," Tayuya murmured. "You come at me with a needle and I'll chop your tits off, however little you have of those."

Jiraiya badly hid his snort with a fake cough and even Tsunade couldn't stop her lips from twitching. Naruto wasn't playing attention to the conversation, rather he kept staring at his daughter - _no, it wasn't getting easier_ \- and gently stroked the tuft of red hair on Akari's head. It was surreal.

Maybe she was still drunk? Couldn't be, Shizune had taken away all the sake when the first two months of waiting had passed.

"You-! You-!" Sakura stammered before finally huffing angrily. "I can't believe you!" she exclaimed and vacated the room.

Tayuya looked up from her baby, looking after Sakura before staring questioningly at Naruto. "What's got her tiny bra in a twist?"

* * *

The news of Naruto's return reached one raven haired Hyuuga and her team just as they entered the village. Hinata overheard the gate guards comment on Naruto's arrival to Kurenai when they checked in.

"He sure took his time, huh?" Kiba whistled. "The Hokage's gonna kill him."

Shino nodded mutely, adjusting his glasses. After a moment, he added, "I concur," and fell silent once more.

"S-She wouldn't so something so drastic, would she?" Hinata mumbled, more to herself than her teammates.

"Aaah, hard to say," Kiba remarked. "He kept us waiting so I'm half a mind to let Akamaru kick his ass!" The ninken barked his agreement.

"But would he be able to?" Shino questioned. "Naruto may as well have grown exponentially in three and a half years. Why? He was trained by one of the Legendary Sannin."

"Yeah but so was Sakura," Kiba huffed. "And now look at her."

"S-Sakura is an outstanding medic," Hinata threw in.

"She's supposed to be a ninja," the Inuzuka dismissed. "Aside from that, she didn't exactly change at all. Three inches in height don't count in my book." His eyes landed on Hinata, more specifically, her sizable bosom. "We all grew in a lot of ways," he said, averting his eyes, cheeks reddening.

Shino elbowed him sharply, shaking his head. "We should hurry," he said. "Why? Because Sensei is already on her way to the tower."

Indeed, Kurenai was already way ahead of them, so Team 8 hurried to catch up. Their latest mission had brought them close to the borders, searching for an escaped convict. However, it had all gone to hell rather quickly, as it always seemed to do, when said convict found refuge in one of Orochimaru's old hideouts. The man, a simple chunin, consumed unholy magnitudes of dangerous chemicals and turned into a unhinged monster, running rampage near the borders. In the end, Team 8 managed to take him down in a battle of attrition, when Shino's insects had leeched almost all chakra out of him and half his body nonfunctional with Hinata's gentle fist.

They passed a distraught Sakura on their way up the stairs and neither of them could get a word in before she was out of earshot, wailing profoundly.

"I refuse to ask," Kiba commented, continuing to walk up the stairs without turning around.

Hinata merely glanced back at her for a moment before following suit. The door to the Hokage's office was still open when Team 8 stepped inside. Hinata's eyes found the head full of blonde hair almost automatically. He was taller, leaner and even more handsome than before. Her face turned red before he even looked up at her from-

From... the _baby_ he was cradling?

A young woman with flowing red hair stood right next to him, close to him, and fastened a few buttons on her tunic. Then she hooked a finger in Naruto's shirt collar, pulled him down and _kissed_ him. Hinata almost fainted, though her face was ghostly pale at this point. The redhead took the baby from him and looked up, noticing their presence.

Her warm yet sharp brown eyes stared intensely at her before she declared: "Are all chicks in Konoha that busty? Pinky sure is the odd one out, huh?"

To their left a tall man with white hair laughed uproariously before he was hit by one of the Hokage's paperweights and sunk to the ground in a boneless heap.

"Team 8," Tsunade said by way of greeting, sounding very tired. "I got your report. Is their anything more worth mentioning that wasn't already in it?"

Kurenai, who threw a confused look first at Naruto and the redhead, then at the knocked out Sannin, cleared her throat. "No, not specifically, but I wish to enter my entire team into the next Jonin exam."

Kiba whooped loudly in joy before Kurenai could get a word of explanation in, but Hinata couldn't bring herself to celebrate. She was still watching how Naruto interacted with the young woman, perfectly at ease as he tended to the small baby in her arms. What in the world was going on?

Kiba's joyous shouts seemed to bring Naruto back to reality and he, too, looked up at all of them. He smiled widely and the blood rushed back into Hinata's face, going from pasty white to beet red in under two seconds.

"Hey guys! So good to see you again!" he greeted, leaving the young woman's side. Hinata didn't miss that she followed him even so.

"Shiiit," Kiba appraised lowly, "When'd you grow so damn tall?" he slapped Naruto hard on the back, who didn't so much as flinch.

Naruto returned the gesture and Kiba almost doubled over. "Ya know," he said sheepishly, missing how Kiba wheezed for breath, "Eating a lot, training a lot..."

"Fucking a lot," the young woman threw in, a devious grin on her delicate lips.

Hinata's face began to feel strange as once again all blood seemingly vanished from her neck up. She was beginning to feel faint. "F-F-_F-Fu_-?" she stammered in an effort to repeat the crude word, but ultimately it died on her tongue.

Shino, right besides her, nodded somewhat sagely. "Intercourse burns an immense amount of calories," he commented serenely.

The young woman's grin widened. "You bet it does." Her piece said, she bowed her head back down to the awfully cute, equally red haired baby in her arms.

Kiba whistled appreciatively. "Man... how'd you get that?"

"Tank bred," the redhead deadpanned, not looking up. "I just decided to keep her _and_ him. Was some kind of package deal, apparently."

Naruto scowled at her with obvious mock hurt. The affection in his eyes drove a nail deep into Hinata's heart.

Kiba laughed roughly before Kurenai decked him over the head. "We are still in the presence of our Kage!" she reminded him sharply.

"Oh, uhm Sorry!" he hurried out, stepping back behind all of them.

Tsunade, however, just waved the off. "I've had enough weird stuff for one day. Jonin exams, you say?" Her eyes moved over to Naruto. "Hm, if you can beat the brat, sure, why not."

"Three against one?" Kiba asked incredulously. "Just how much stronger did you get?" he asked of Naruto.

"I'm not so sure myself," Tsunade admitted. "That's gonna be his test. Your's too. Now get out, I need sake and a lot of sleep."

She roughly ushered all of the out of the office and threw the still unconscious Jiraiya out as well, right down the staircase. They stood awkwardly in the antechamber, even Kurenai's eyes were now on the baby Naruto had taken from the young woman's arms.

"So, uh, who are you then?" Kiba dared to ask.

The redhead looked up. "Me? Tayuya Uzumaki. Not sure if it's nice to meet you but..." Her eyes found Hinata's, "Your tits are impressive." She prodded them sharply for good measure.

At this point Hinata's blood circulation was so messed up, she didn't manage a full blush before she fainted with a confused "_Meep_?"

* * *

After they woke Hinata - _which took considerably more effort after she fainted a second time when she came face to face with Naruto_ \- they made it to the training ground Kurenai had designated for their test. It was, probably on purpose, Training Ground 7. Hinata was still a bit shaken as she watched Naruto fondly pat one of the three training logs that stood on the field.

_Naruto had a child. _The thought wouldn't leave Hinata's mind.

The redhead, Tayuya - baby still in tow - took a seat right next to Kurenai, who was supposed to step in if things got too rough. Hinata glanced at Kiba, who looked a tad too eager to fight in her opinion. She really didn't want to hurt Naruto...

That was the moment Naruto choose to take off the thick combat jacket he had worn.

Hinata swallowed as her blood started flowing twice as fast as before.

The shirt he wore was sleeveless, formfitting and basically a second skin. Whatever training Naruto had done, it had obviously involved at least a couple thousand sit ups. Tayuya wolf whistled shamelessly over at him.

"You better not exhaust yourself!" she called. "You gonna need the energy!"

Naruto grinned back at her, rubbing the back of his head like he always had, but to Hinata it looked so much more mature. _And drop dead sexy_. If the skin wasn't melting off her face at this point, Hinata would suspect a minor affinity for the ice element in her veins.

"Let's do this!" Kiba exclaimed as Akamaru barked excitably, taking off his jacket as well.

Tayuya's blank stare hit him like a physical thing. She wordlessly screamed "_Can't even compare_" with her eyes only. Kiba's formerly so proud face fell away like a house of cards in a Great Breakthrough. Shino merely adjusted his glasses, glancing at Hinata to see if she was ready. The Hyuuga nodded somewhat shakily at him and turned her eyes to Kurenai.

The jonin sighed and walked onto the field in between them. "Right," she began, "I want this to be as clean as possible. Nothing too destructive, nothing lethal. If you could have died, you are out. Are we clear?" Everyone nodded their assent. "Ready then? Begin!"

Hinata hadn't even activated her Byakugan yet when Kiba and Akamaru were already rushing forward. Much to her surprise, Naruto had yet to move. Mid sprint, Kiba and his partner suddenly jumped into a rapid spin, their technique seamlessly conducted into their advance. They crushed into the spot Naruto had occupied like a giant drill, unearthing tons of dirt and debris.

Hinata refused to think that Naruto had actually been hit by that and took the moment to activate her Byakugan while Shino sent his bugs out. She found him standing in front of Tayua, holding a rather huge chunk of rock aloft with one hand only. He was most definitely annoyed but Hinata could barely look at him long enough to tell when the brightness of his chakra forced her to avert her eyes.

"Oi!" he called, drawing Kiba's attention. "I'm sure we agreed on not using anything too destructive!"

Kiba growled, a feral grin on his lips. "That was nothing!" he shouted. "We got something far more destructive than that!"

"D-Don't rush!" she managed to call out.

"Agreed," Shino affirmed, "Naruto is obviously much faster than before. Sensei wants us to be Jonin, try to act like one."

Said sensei did indeed look none too pleased with Kiba.

With a reluctant huff, Kiba retreated back to them while Naruto casually dropped the Choji-sized rock, patted the baby's head affectionately, and walked back into the middle of the field.

"Right," he said, "It's been beaten out of me to rely too much on one technique so I guess the Shadow Clones will have to rest for now."

Hinata had never actually seen Naruto do more than two consecutive handsings before, so the speed in which he completed no less than forty-seven took her aback. The air briefly bristled with chakra before Naruto inhaled a humongous amount of air.

"Get back!" she called out, jumping away as far and fast as she could manage. And not a second too late.

A blade of compressed air tore through the Training ground, uprooting dozens of trees as it waltzed even further into the tree line. Hinata found herself blown away with the current and would have taken a heavy fall if not for Shino catching her in a pocket of insects. Always a bit of a disconcerting feeling but nothing she wasn't used to by now. Kiba had taken the brunt of the attack and crashed hard into the dirt.

"I thought we said nothing too destructive!" he shouted out angrily, wiping mud out of his face.

Naruto appeared besides him out of nowhere. "Oh don't worry," he said causally. Kiba immediately bolted away. "I got something far more destructive than that."

Kiba huffed. "Yeah, you got me." Then he smirked. "Or do you?"

Hinata knew what was going on. Out from the ground behind Naruto, Akamaru burst free, latching onto Naruto's back. A stream of bugs followed from the hole in the ground and Kiba himself immediately launched himself at Naruto as well. Hinata hesitated for about a second before she charged as well.

"Not bad."

Hinata rolled to the side mid charge when Naruto's voice rang suddenly from right besides her. She had her Byakugan active! How did he-? Had he actually moved too fast for her to see?

The Naruto Akamaru had grappled turned out to be a clone and Kiba barreled right into his partner. Fortunately they had practice recovering from those collisions and managed to land like it had been planned. Or at least make it look like that.

"You have become fast," Shino commented as he emerged from the underbrush. "So fast in fact, that my bugs can't get a hold of you."

"And what was that with 'The Shadow Clones resting'?" Kiba called indignantly from where he crouched besides Akamaru.

Naruto shrugged, giving an easy smile. "Deception."

Shino's eyebrows visibly rose over his glasses. "I see," he said. "It seems we have been taking you too lightly."

"Yeah, about that," Naruto began, scratching the back of his head. "It looks like I kinda overdid it in training. Always getting to fight the old pervert was kind of hard and once I could almost beat him-"

"What!?" Kiba exclaimed. "You mean to tell me you can beat a Sannin!?"

He shrugged again and Hinata felt strangely weak for entirely other reasons than her crush. "I mean, we haven't had a go since half a year but I guess I can."

"Are you calling us weak?" Shino asked flatly.

Naruto shook his head. "Nah, just that I'm stronger. By a bit too far a margin. You'll get there but... I mean, it's kinda hard not to just knock you out all at once."

Hinata swallowed. Just how strong had he grown? Truly strong enough to beat a Sannin?

"Oh yeah?" Kiba bristled, obviously annoyed. "I'll show you who-!"

He dropped to the ground without another word. Behind him stood Naruto, or rather, one of his clones, one hand aloft. It dispelled immediately. "Can't have him do anything more destructive," Naruto muttered. "That idiot might hurt Akari."

_Akari, right. The name of the baby girl._ Shino walked up to her side. "How much of a chance do we stand against you?" he asked.

Naruto barely hesitated before he said, "None."

Hinata smiled uncertainly. "Y-You got really strong, Naruto," she said honestly.

"You bet he is," Tayuya declared, walking into the clearing. The child in her arms was fussing. "And now he's gotta be a good boy and tend to his daughter because she don't need me no more."

He laughed, taking the girl from her. "Yeah, we both know she'll want to be back in your arms in less than five." He said that, but little Akari immediately stopped fussing once he held her.

Hinata had never before been as jealous in her entire life as she was in this one moment. She hadn't envied her little sister's position in the clan, hadn't envied her cousin's strength and had never envied another's beauty or been jealous of another's possessions. This, however, spiked a feeling akin to hate in her gut. An ugly feeling. She didn't like it. But as she watched Naruto handle the baby, _his little daughter_, with a content smile on his face, it almost immediately evaporated.

Hinata smiled sadly to herself. She wondered if this could have been her, standing with him and a baby of her own. Maybe she had been too shy, too slow or any number of other things, but it seemed like her chance had long since gone by. And just like that, Hinata walked away. Not only from the training field, but form her crush as well, if only so he wouldn't see her tears.

* * *

Shikamaru had been sleeping in that day. He always was but it wasn't wise to make everyone aware of your habits, however good they were. He met Temari, running almost an hour late, for talks about the next Chuunin exams. How he ended up being the one tasked with this, he had no idea; Shikamaru had literally slept through that meeting.

So he got a nasty glare before any greetings were exchanged when he met Temari in front of the small cafe.

"Any excuses?" she asked shortly, impatiently tapping her foot.

"No," he said, "None that would satisfy you, which a an absolute drag."

She huffed once before she grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. _Women_.

Despite his less than admirably efforts to resist, Shikamaru was dragged into the small cafe but Temari suddenly stopped in the middle of the way. He peeked past her and came face to face with a very familiar redhead.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" he found himself asking.

The girl - _Tayuya, was it_? - eyed first him, then Temari distastefully before she said, "Aren't you supposed to be gay?"

_Hah_?

He didn't have an answer to that and would have called it all a huge drag when Temari suddenly burst out laughing. Shikamaru gave her a sideways half-glare. _Women._

"Oh that was great!" Temari huffed, still laughing. "Shit, just imagine we'd have met before all that invasion stuff!"

Tayuya, who had been semi scowling at them the entire time, cracked a smile. "Yeah, I could see that turn out bad for him." She jerked a dismissive finger at Shikamaru.

_Great. They were unifying against him_. This called for tactical retreat. He stealthily turned around but ran right into none another than Naruto. When did that guy get so tall?

"Oh, hey there Shika! Long time no see!" he greeted with the same old cheer. Then he glanced at Temari, who had captured his hand again, and tilted his head. "Aren't you... you know, supposed to be gay?"

And while Temari chocked on heaps of laughter, Shikamaru felt it was too much of a drag to noticed the baby the Uzumaki carried on his shoulder.

* * *

Kakashi always knew that Naruto was weird. He'd known it before the boy had been born, had seen it when he guarded him from the shadows and was subjected to it as his sensei. But, no matter how weird Naruto was, he always moved in a predictable way, no matter how unpredictable. There was just a certain level of weirdness to be expected.

But seeing a grown up version of his cute little genin with a baby in one arm and a redhead on the other... Those were the wrong kind of flash backs, the wrong kind of weird that blew right through any expectations. Was he having an episode again? Maybe he shouldn't have stopped taking those meds. He glanced over at Yugao. Well, at least she looked about as shocked as he felt. So maybe this wasn't an episode after all.

Question is, _was that really better?_

"Hey!" Naruto called out, the baby girl on his shoulder bouncing excitedly, "Sensei! Guess who's back!"

Well, it could still be some kind of weird flashback. Did that baby have Kushina's eyes? Did she come back to punish him? He managed to lamely lift a hand in greeting. He glanced once more at Yugao, who had an odd gleam in her eyes as she stared at the little child, blinking rapidly with an almost serene expression.

Right. Time to get some condoms.

The redhead raised a challenging eyebrow in his direction, daring him to make a noise with fierce brown eyes. Fine, so at least this redhead was not Kushina incarnate.

"Yo, Naruto," he greeted evenly, ignoring the redhead's huff. _Thank kami he caught himself before he called him Minato_. "I see you did the deed." _Wait, was that really the first thing he thought of? _

Yugao was so absorbed, she didn't even elbow him.

The redhead snorted. "Yeah, a lot at that," she affirmed, grinning, "But unlike you, cyclops, he'll get laid again tonight."

Yugao didn't confirm that, but she was still mesmerized by the tiny baby on Naruto's shoulder, so maybe there was a chance. Kakashi just shrugged in response.

"You're still such a perv," Naruto laughed before he turned to Yugao. "Say, would you like to hold her, Cat? You'v been staring."

So he remembered her after all. Well, the purple hair color was rather unique. Yugao took two seconds to respond with a smile and a nod. "Oh, why yes, I would!"

He was so going to buy condoms. He was too young to have- Wait... "So... is _that_ yours?" he decided to ask, somewhat hoping that Naruto had just kidnapped a random baby.

"My cute little daughter!" Naruto said proudly, carefully placing the surprisingly calm child in Yugao's arms. Good thing this wasn't the first the she had held a baby or she might have freaked out. Funny thing was, the first time had been Naruto himself, about a year old.

_Ah, good old times._

The redhead was suddenly close enough to Yugao to kill her within a heartbeat, her eyes making it clear that one wrong move would end her entire career. Well, if that wasn't the mother, Kakashi would eat his entire Icha-Icha collection.

What was it with blondes and redheads? Was that some kind of genetic thing?

Naruto made some light conversation, mostly about how cute his daughter was, with Yugao, before they went on their way again, taking the little girl from very reluctant arms, leaving Kakashi with the wistful looking Yugao. She suddenly caught his entire right arm in a death grip.

Kakashi didn't even look in her direction.

He knew that it was too late to buy condoms now.

* * *

Tsunade had a killer hangover. That was old news, of course, but waking up in the same bed a Jiraiya was, at the very least, bad news. Well, at least she was still dressed. Mostly. Yeah, celebrating their return had taken a turn deep down into twenty eight bottles of sake, shared between just the two of them. So even with her head feeling like it was about to melt off her shoulders, she could still see how this happened.

The alcohol left in her system helped her not to think too much about it, so she dragged herself out of bed, hit the cool wooden floor with a groan and crawled into the kitchen. Five minutes later, as she was sitting on the floor with a tall glass of water in front of the fridge, Jiraiya followed out of the bedroom, crawling as well.

"We are too old for this shit," he groaned.

She snorted. It hurt. "You didn't seem to think that yesterday."

"Neither did you," he croaked, accepting the glass of water she held out for him.

He downed it in one go. "Are we going to ignore this happened? 'Cause right now, I could do that."

Tsunade pushed herself up from the floor and into one of the kitchen chairs. "Hah, I'll believe it when I read a book about it."

He gave her the stink eye from the floor. "I wouldn't have," he said. "Can't remember enough anyways," he mumbled under his breath.

Tsunade huffed, emptying her glass. She peered out of the window, overlooking most of Konoha. I was so peaceful, shame that it wouldn't ever last. It was noon already and people were going about their daily business. Tsunade was content just observing for a while when she spotted a dot of vibrant red and yellow. Of course they would be up already... Baby and all.

Right, Naruto was a dad now._ He had a child_. Yeah, this wasn't helping the headache.

She could barely make them out but the closer they got to the tower, the better Tsunade could see. Little Akari was ridding on Naruto's shoulders, Tayuya was walking backwards in front of them, probably making faces.

"Gods," she muttered. "Why are they so wholesome?"

"You think that's bad?" Jiraiya groaned, dragging himself into a chair next to her. "You should have seen the brat when he decided that she was gonna be with him for a while. It was awful." He covered his eyes with both hands. "I had to rent two rooms when we picked her up and I swear they did it the first night."

"And you didn't try to spy on them?" she asked sarcastically.

"Of course," he huffed, "but she threatened to castrate me using a dirty diaper."

Tsunade grimaced. "How would she even-?"

"Trust me," Jiraiya interrupted, "You don't want to know."

Tsunade managed a hoarse laugh before her pounding head forced her to wince.

"The funniest thing though," her old friend continued, "is that I'm pretty sure she gave him the talk while they were at it!"

Tsunade lightly glared at him. "I'm sure," she drawled, returning her eyes to the two of them down in the streets.

With a dry laugh Jiraiya pushed himself up. "You know," he said, suddenly somber, "I don't think I can let him fight."

"What?" Tsunade asked. "You trained him to fight. How could you not-"

"I'm not saying he won't," Jiraiya cut her off, "I'm just saying I don't want him to. He's got so much more to lose than me. There aren't many Akatsuki left," he said, dragging a hand down his very tired face. "We actually came across Sasuke about a year ago. He and his weird group of misfits killed two of them."

Tsunade nodded slowly. "Well, that at least helped us a little. Who?"

Jiraiya shook his head. "All that's left is their leader and three others. Gaara killed Deidara and Sasori apparently fled or died. Killer B was attacked by Kisame, who died when A personally joined them." He locked eyes with her. "Itachi is dead. Either the sickness killed him or Sasuke did, I never found out. The brat and me, we got rid of the immortal one, Hidan. He's rotting away within the belly of an ancient toad."

She scowled at him. "You could have mentioned that so many of them were simply taken care of!"

"It doesn't change that their leader is still there. Pain has a Rinnegan, that doesn't compare to something as measly as a Sharingan or Byakugan." He leaned his forehead against the window, eyes tracking Tayuya's red hair in the crowd. "I can't let the boy fight him. I will have to do it myself."

"You can't-!"

"Win?" Jiraiya asked humorlessly. "Maybe not," he admitted. "But it will buy them time. They failed to take the eight tales, and with only the masked one, Kakuzu, the plant one and the leader himself remaining, they will come for the brat as soon as possible before we can rightly prepare."

Tsunade pushed herself out of the chair. "You god damn-! We need to prepare! If the Rinnegan is as powerful as you make it out out to be, Konoha will have to be fortified!"

Jiraiya wasn't listening to her, she could see it in his eyes. "I'm leaving soon," he said. "Won't tell him." His gaze landed on her. "And you won't either. I'll send him to the toads."

"You want him to learn Senjutsu?"

"We already started," Jiraiya said. "He picks it up quickly enough but he needs to be on Mount Myoboku to really learn it." He sighed before laughing dryly. "Oh look at me, all depressed already and I just crawled out of bed with none other than my Tsunade Hime! Something must be wrong with me!"

Tsunade didn't have the heart to throw her glass at him.

* * *

Anko's morning routine consisted of flashing the neighbor's girl when she went to pick up the morning papers stark naked and a healthy helping of good ol' dango. Not necessarily in that order. That day she had yet to pick up her treats and was more or less an hour late for work when she arrived at the dango stall just in front of the Hokage tower.

The deliciously sweet smell assaulted her nostrils just a few seconds before she collided with some hunk that blocked the doorway. He was about a head taller than her, his back deliciously muscled from what she groped through his jacket, and he was handsome as-

_Wait_. Didn't she know that face? Those whiskers and sky blue eyes...

"Aren't you that Uzumaki brat?" she asked aloud.

"Ah." Well damn, that voice was a far cry from the squeaker he had first been. "You're the crazy tongue lady." He grinned down at her. "Found other kids to suck blood from since?"

How old was he now? Seventeen? Eighteen? Both sounded old enough to have fun with her! Kakashi was off the market ever since the cat lady sunk her admittedly sexy claws into him and aside from Izumo and Kotetsu, there weren't a lot of eligible men to go around. Gai didn't count. So Anko put on her most sultry smile, and put a hand against his chest.

"Nah," she purred seductively, "But I remember yours to be awfully tasty. But even my memory ain't that good. Care to remind me?"

Naruto hadn't even responded yet when there was suddenly an abundance of killing intent in the room. Anko jumped when someone tapped her on the shoulder. Kunai all but drawn, she came face to face with a redhead, just and inch smaller than her.

"Yo," Anko greeted nonchalantly, trying to figure out who in here was about to go on a killing spree when the redhead suddenly grabbed her by the collar of her coat.

"Listen here, _bitch_," the redhead drawled with an eerie sort of calm Anko only ever heard from Orochimaru. "That one-" She pointed over Anko's shoulder at Naruto. "- is _mine_. So you and your fat ass tits better get the fuck off him before I decide to put every single piece of Dango in this dump up your loose asshole until you gag on 'em."

In a stark contrast to the threat, an adorable baby with striking red hair suddenly put its head over the girl's shoulder and giggled excitedly. The redhead didn't look especially strong but there was something about the way she casually tended to the baby after threatening to ass-rape her that made Anko swallow nervously.

_And a tad excited._

"Uh-"

"Thought as much," the redhead huffed, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

She roughly shoved past Anko, grabbed Naruto's arm and dragged him out of the shop, leaving Anko there, numbly looking after them.

She remained standing still while others awkwardly went about their business in the aftermath of the confrontation.

"Hey, Kurenai," Anko suddenly called out.

Said woman, who had been trying her best to hide the entire time, sighed wearily. "What?"

"Is it strange that I'm disappointed she didn't even try it?"

Kurenai made a face. "I mean-"

Anko turned her head, looking directly at her, a maniacal gleam in her eyes. "You up to buy some Dango with me and try putting them in my-"

"_NO_!"

* * *

"You look terrible," Ino commented into the round, specifically addressing both Sakura and Hinata. The four of them, Ino, Sakura, Hinata and Tenten, were eating out that day, a fixed date once a month. "Did you fail a couple of missions in one go?"

Hinata smiled sadly at her while Sakura outright cried. "Naruto," they sad as one, Sakura all but sobbing.

"He's back?" Tenten asked, putting her tea down. "Since when?"

Sakura sighed loudly, wiping away some tears. "I mean.. since Monday, I guess."

Ino slapped the table in outrage, letting an assortment of drinks jump. "That's almost a week! Why'd no one tell us!"

Hinata and Sakura shared a significant look, one loaded with a message Ino somehow seemed to have missed out on.

"What?" she asked. "What happened?"

"I mean," Sakura began with a sigh. "He... uh, grew up."

Hinata smiled a strained smile. "He did," she agreed solemnly.

"He's a hunk now?" Ino asked. "Should I try my luck? I bet you both did and failed!"

"Hinata wouldn't throw herself at anyone, not even Naruto," Tenten said before smirking at the Hyuuga. "Or would she?"

Hinata didn't even blush. Ino narrowed her eyes. "Alright, what'd he do?"

"How haven't you seen him at all?" Sakura asked. "He's been running through the village all week, being all.. all-!" She threw her hands up in the air, slumping in her seat.

"Wholesome," Hinata sighed.

"Wholesome?" Tenten asked, brow furrowed. "I mean, not to be rude but Naruto was never especially.. uh..."

"Charming," Ino finished. "So out with it! Is he chubby now? Would that count as wholesome? Oh! A cat! Or a dog! Something cute!"

"A baby," Sakura all but whined. "He got a baby!"

Ino blinked rapidly at her, looked at Hinata for confirmation, then looked at Tenten in sheer confusion before exclaiming, "_Whaaaat_?"

"Are we talking _baby_ baby?" Tenten asked carefully, "As in, human baby? A child?"

Hinata nodded sullenly. Ino suddenly felt really bad for the girl. "Is it.. his _own_?" she dared to ask.

Sakura nodded. "Yup," she said wearily. "Did the tests myself. One hundred percent his. Master looked it over, then again to make sure. He has a healthy baby girl, one and a half years old."

Ino blew out some air in a long sigh. "Uhm, wow."

"You are having us on, right?" Tenten asked, poking at her drink with a kunai.

"That isn't the worst," Sakura continued. "He's come back with the mother."

"Oh." Ino didn't know what so say about that. Hinata's heart must have imploded twofold. She reached over the table to take the girls hand, earning a tired smile in response. "I'm sorry, I guess."

Hinata shook her head. "Don't be," she said. "Naruto is happy with this. I don't think I have the right to be upset about it."

Tenten put a hand on Hinata's shoulder. "Doesn't hurt any less, does it?"

Sakura put her hand on Hinata's other shoulder. "We'll get through that. Though I guess we could be happy for him. They are just too wholesome to look at..."

"How could they be-?" Ino was interrupted by the chime of the bistro's door. She had a direct line of sight to the entrance and almost couldn't believe her eyes when Naruto walked in, an actual tiny and awfully cute baby cradled against his shoulder, followed by a redhead with just the same shade of red hair as the infant's.

The baby girl was playing with Naruto's earlobe while the redhead, most likely the mother, smiled up at her daughter. When Naruto stopped in front of a waiter, she reached up and _booped_ her nose. The giggle was heart-melting as the girl squirmed in Naruto's arms. The mother said something to the waiter, standing besides Naruto, who grinned at whatever it was. The waiter laughed nervously but even he seemed somewhat enraptured when the baby girl captured a strand of her mother's long hair and stuck it in Naruto's face, making him sneeze.

"That's... I mean-" Ino had no words for it. It looked so surreal, seeing Naruto like that.

"Wholesome," Sakura said, again. She poked moodily at her glass. "You can't watch this and not spawn an egg."

Ino snorted. "Oho!" she laughed. "Want a child already?"

Sakura scowled tiredly at her. Hinata laughed, but it was weak and strained. Tenten turned back from Naruto and the girl. "So who is she?"

"Not too sure," Sakura said, "But Shikamaru said he knew her, or something."

"Doesn't she look familiar to you?" Tenten asked.

Ino eyed the redhead, who was playfully warping her daughter in her long red hair, smiling. "Mh, her hair is kinda like Gaara's. Darker, though"

"Her name is Tayuya," Sakura supplied, patting the quiet Hinata's hand. "And she isn't related to Gaara. Not by a long shot." She sighed. "From what master told me, she was one of Orochimaru's before Naruto and Jiraiya got her out."

Ino felt that Sakura was holding something back so she raised an eyebrow at her. Her friend merely shrugged.

"They look so... in love," Tenten said uncertainly as she watched them on the opposite side of the bistro.

They were sitting on the same side of the table, feeding pieces of a banana to the little girl. Most of it ended up in her face somehow, but she smiled and giggled excitedly all the while. They shared looks ever so often, small grins, suggestive one, nudging each others shoulder.

"Yeah," Ino agreed. "That should be illegal. They make me feel bad!" She stood from her seat. "That's it!" she exclaimed, "I need to find myself a boyfriend! Right now!" She bent down to Tenten. "Say, is Neji still free?"

Tenten gasped. "You little-!"

Ino left the cafe with the fuming Tenten in tow, leaving Sakura and Hinata alone at the table. Sakura was still staring intensely over at Naruto and Tayuya, but most specifically, at little Akari.

"I dunno why," she said, "But I want to pinch her cheek."

Hinata covered a giggle with her hand. "She is very much adorable." She, too, turned to observe them.

"She seems like a good person, this Tayuya," Sakura said, almost sounding resigned. "A bit stingy, though."

"I heard that!" aforementioned redhead called from her table across the room. She raised her middle finger at them. "Now get your bony ass over here! The huge tits, too!"

"Never mind," Sakura muttered, scowling, "Bad person."

* * *

Hinata followed the resigned Sakura over to Naruto's table. He was using Akari's hand to wave at them, grinning widely. She didn't want to smile, but she did despite herself. The little girl's vibrant violet eyes gleamed as she giggled excitably as Naruto gently rocked her entire body. She and Sakura sat down opposite from Naruto and Tayuya.

Tayuya, a piece of banana smeared into a long strand of her hair, took her daughter from Naruto and put her on the table in front of her. "Now go," she whispered to the child.

Akari looked at her mother, then at Naruto and back at Tayuya before she exclaimed, "MA!" and crawled across the table. It was absolutely adorable and if not for the fact that the little child was approached her, Hinata would have happily just watched.

_Oh no_. What now? Akari got closer to the ledge of the table and Hinata, in no way whatsoever, wanted the baby girl to be hurt so she hastily and awkwardly caught her in her arms. Okay, so far so good! Hinata had never held a child that small before. In fact, Hinata didn't think she ever held a child at all. Akari squirmed in her grasp until she was forced to cradle her against - more so on top of - her chest, where she settled with staring up at Hinata with huge violet eyes.

From across the table, Tayuya huffed triumphantly. "I told you so," she said to Naruto. "It's the tits."

Hinata blushed furiously. From the corner of her eye, she could see Sakura's face sour as she crossed her arms in front of her.

"I mean," Naruto said laughingly. "Isn't that some sort of instincts babies have?"

Tayuya just shrugged. "That decides it though." She pointed at Hinata. "Congrats, you're the godmother now."

"Huh?" Hinata was still trying her best to not freak out with Naruto's one and only daughter in her arms, though she had to admit, Akari was a lot less... active than other children that small which made holding her a lot easier. "G-Godmother?!"

"MA!" Akari giggled, capturing a strand of Hinata's bangs.

"Or maybe it's the hair," Tayuya mused. "Not that pinky over there has either."

"Hey!" Sakura huffed indignantly. "I get it already!"

Naruto laughed, lightly shoving Tayuya with his elbow before rising out of his seat. "Come on," he said to Sakura, "There's something I gotta tell you."

She looked confused for a moment but followed when Naruto left the bistro, looking back at Hinata with a helpless shrug. Now she was alone with Tayuya.

Akari pulled at her bangs with both hands, forcing her head down. "Ouch," she muttered at her, though smiling when she laughed.

"So, you got a huge crush on lover boy, huh?"

Hinata knew she had been kinda obvious about it for years, but didn't think the mother of Naruto's child of all people would notice that in the span of a few hours they had actually spent in each other's company.

"Ehm," she managed, peeking at Tayuya through her bangs, still held by Akari. "I-I mean I-"

"Oh come off it," Tayuya said, rolling her eyes. "It's not like I'm gonna kill you or anything." She took a sip from her tea. "Yet."

Right. That wasn't terrifying at all. "I-I'm sorry, I-"

"Stop that. Don't apologize for that, stupid tits."

Why was everyone reducing her to her breasts these days?

Akari finally let go of her hair an occupied herself with the zipper of Hinata's jacket. She smiled a brittle smile at Tayuya.

"Don't you dare cry," Tayuya said, lifting a threatening finger in her face. Akari immediately reached for it. "I don't need two crybabies to shush!" She toyed with Akari's hair. "Listen, I get that you fell hard for him. Did, too, and all that. I'm sure you realized that you missed your chance."

Hinata nodded sadly. "I noticed," she whispered, more to herself than Tayuya.

"Right." She didn't sound too convinced. "But I see that you look at him differently. I have not the faintest idea why you are so into him, but you wanna see him happy."

She nodded again. When had she become so transparent? Was it the tears? Probably. Dammit, she was crying. In her arms, Akari made a distinctively unhappy noise, so Hinata rocked her slightly.

"Listen, Hinata, right? Right. Now, I don't wanna sound too rude, but you missed your chance and I'm not gonna share, if you know what I mean. He's mine now."

Hinata hiccuped, wincing at her words. Tayuya scowled and gently took Akari from her grasp. It felt as if she had torn a piece out of her chest with her. "I- I see." She would have to stay away from him, wouldn't she?

Tayuya sighed loudly before smiling at her daughter, nuzzling her face. "Now don't break down, girly," she said, "I'm not telling you to get the fuck off or some shit. All you do have to understand is that he won't return your feelings. You missed out on that."

Hinata hiccuped again, blinking away tears. It was so cruel.

Tayuya all but thrust a tissue in her face. "If you make ma baby cry, I'll give you a real reason to weep over," she huffed.

Hinata nodded, blinking harder and taking the tissue. "T-Thank you."

"Yeah, I don't think you mean that," Tayuya muttered. "The thing is, I hadn't planned on having a kid. Neither did lover boy, really."

Hinata looked up at her. "Then- Then why...?"

"So pinky did keep her mouth shut," she noted, bouncing Akari in her lap. "Now I wasn't aware of Akari here until after she was five minutes old. I was Orochimaru's comatose plaything until lover boy and the pervert uncle got me out." She smiled wryly at her. "She's my baby alright and I love her to bits but the one to actually force me to have her was the snake ass. I have a lot more scars in places I don't remember having any so I guess it took some attempts to get it right but in the end I got lover boy's cute little daughter and I intend to keep her." She gently flicked Akari's nose, who giggled in response.

Hinata stared at her. "O-Orochimaru did...? Why would he even do that?"

Tayuya shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe he wanted another Uzumaki to play with. I'm sure she's a girl by design. That aside, lover boy said he'd keep her if I didn't want her, so I socked him in the face and told him that she's mine and that he'd have to deal with that. And would you look at that, here we are." She shook her head. "Thing is, if not for Orochimaru's fucked up fetishes, we wouldn't be a thing. I'd be dead anyways. You care about him, that's as plain to see as the Snake is a fucking pedo. So I know you'd care for his child the same."

Hinata nodded, looking at Akari. "I would, yes," she admitted. More so if it was her own child... So, so much she'd wish for it. About a week ago, she wouldn't have been able to think about that without passing out.

"That's why you're the godmother," Tayuya said, placing a kiss atop Akari's head. "You care. A lot at that. I have no one I could turn to. No family or friends, not even acquaintances. I ain't got no one aside from lover boy and my baby girl here. So if I got to trust anyone with my baby, it's you."

Hinata smiled. "Thank you."

Tayuya laughed. "Now there's some honesty in it! Now come on, you're gonna be my first ever girlfriend and I have to see how much cinnamon buns you can take."

Hinata's eyes widened. "Cinnamon buns?" She licked her lips.

Tayuya grinned at her. "I see I made the right choice! Come, let's raid the display! Lover boy's paying!"

* * *

Sakura followed Naruto outside where he leaned onto one of the four tables that stood in front of the bistro.

"So, uh, what are we talking about?" she asked.

"Sasuke," he said solemnly.

"Oh."

He laughed. "Oh? Don't be so down! He's... okay, I suppose. Still an asshole but he's away from Orochimaru." He looked at her over his shoulder. "He's changed."

She knew that. Of course he had. How couldn't he? "I know," she said.

"No," Naruto shook his head. "No you don't, Sakura. He's... different." He waved her closer, so she leaned forward onto the table as well. He put a paper tag down in the middle of it. It briefly burned blue with chakra. "A silencing seal," he said. "Sasuke has changed and not for the better."

She made a face. She didn't want to hear it, but said nothing.

"He killed his brother."

"So he finally-"

"He finally snapped, Sakura," Naruto said, his voice aggrieved. "I don't know what Itachi said or did, but Sasuke is... he's decided to serve his bonds to us. We met him. It was not a month after he killed Itachi, but there was something dark in his eyes. Whatever happens, he truly believes that he must cut us off! He's abandoned everyone..."

"And you want to, too?" she found herself asking, sounding harsher than she intended to.

"No!" Naruto snapped at her. "Of course not! But he is no longer the boy we were once friends with! Do you understand that! It won't be the same, even if I brought him back right now! He's a criminal, Sakura!" His expression soured. "No matter how much I wished it was different."

"He-!" She shook her head, grimacing as the fear rose in the back of her mind. "Sasuke'll redeem himself!"

"..." He didn't say anything, just stared at the seal that he had stuck to the table. "I hope you're right," he said eventually. Then he cracked a smile. "And if he won't, we will just kick his ass until he does, right?"

She wiped a tear out of her eyes. "Right!" She forced a smile onto her lips, grasping for anything to distract herself. "So," she stumbled, "How-? I mean, why her?"

Naruto swiped the seal tag from the table and tilted his head in question. "Why?"

"Why'd you... uhm, lover her?" she asked awkwardly. Was it really love? Or just for the kid? Maybe he and Hinata could...?

He smiled, a real one. "Oh, that's easy," he said. "It's because she looks at me like nobody else. Like nobody's ever done."

She was surprised. Sakura hadn't seen him smile so earnestly before. She smiled sadly. It seemed that Hinata had lost him to Tayuya.

Fighting it would be a losing battle.

* * *

A month had yet to pass since Naruto's return when he was already leaving again. Tsunade had initially tried to keep Tayuya from leaving with him but that was, as the redhead phrased it, _out of fucking question you god damn titty granny_. Only out of sheer goodwill did she _not_ throw a paperweight at the damn brat. They said their goodbyes, Tayuya's and Hinata's strangely familiar, and were reverse summoned away to Mount Myoboku.

"Will Akari be okay?" Sakura asked as the last wisps of smoke dispersed.

"Very much so," Tsunade sighed. "Tayuya's body, despite the numerous scars she bears, is surprisingly resilient and strong. As long as she keeps breast-feeding her, Akari's body will be able to handle the sudden climate change."

"What will we do now?"

Tsunade laughed dryly. "We? We will do the same. Prepare for war against a god."

* * *

Kakashi found that training as intensely as he had back in his Genin days put a whole new level of stress on his older body. He could of course handle it, and pushed further than before, but it was an awful reminder that he had effectively been slacking for years. If not for the constant contests with Gai, he might actually have become rusty. Because Kakashi didn't remember a time when sparring with Yugao had been so horrifyingly dangerous.

Since she found out that Pain and whatever was left of the Akatsuki would be coming for Naruto sooner rather than later, she had turned to improving herself with a vengeance. Fortunately for Kakashi, that had the added effect of lots of sex after training. Training which he was forced to take a big part in. After today his hair would be two inches shorter, their latest spar had claimed another chunk of silver hair and now he'd be forced to cut the rest down to size.

But he was still a lot stronger than Yugao, especially when stamina was concerned. Her swing went wide and one of her legs, the one he might have jarred minutes beforehand, gave out. He caught her before she fell.

"Time for a break," he said simply.

Yugao just huffed into his vest, dropping her sword, fingers trembling. He helped her over to the tree line of the training ground and they sat down against a tree. "You're pushing yourself too hard," he said, pulling his mask down.

She elbowed him. She always did. "No," she said. "I never pushed enough. I'm years too late. Kushina was like a mother to me, to both of us, and I will murder whomever so much as tries to take her only child form us."

A chill crawled up his spine. The fierceness of her voice stirred something deep down in his scarred heart. "Ferocious," he remarked jokingly. "But I kind of agree."

"How long until they come back?"

"We haven't even heard from Jiraiya yet, and it's only been a month," Kakashi said, trying to calm her down.

She let her head fall against the tree. "We don't have that much time left," she said.

And she was right. Though in month that had passed Konoha had been fortified with seals, shelters, and upgraded patrol schedule, a wider perimeter for the ANBU to watch and so on, it still felt as if it wasn't enough. Not enough time.

* * *

Jiraiya had suspected that it would turn out bad. He hadn't expected to see Yahiko again. Or the animated body at least. Konan had grown into such a beautiful woman... He hated that it ended like this.

So this was how he'd die? Hm, not very gallant, beaten and bloody, missing an entire arm as he was. Ah, that was not something he'd put in his books. Not at all.

And here he thought he'd stop Pain, save Naruto from fighting this one enemy for all the others he couldn't stop. Pa was saying something, the message still burning on his skin. He tried to force the words out of his throat once more, but when the platform he'd lain on exploded into rubble, Pa was already gone and the water's cool embrace claimed him.

_The end of "Jiraiya the Gallant"... like this...? Not my best work, I'd say._ Dying like this, after his life- nah, _tale_ of failure... it felt like he was leaving nothing behind at all. _But Naruto..._ Aye, the brat was still there. And his even brattier girl. Gods, their kid would be the queen of all the brats! He would have loved to see it. _Maybe it wasn't that much of a failure after all... _No, not when there's someone to continue, to take his will into the future.

_Well, Minato, your kid... I was glad to meet him... guide him... walk him down a path we both thought was right... _Oh, Minato would have loved to meet Tayuya. Jiraiya could see how her constant cussing would drive him mad, how Kushina would fuss over the baby. _Not in this life though, no... Maybe in a different one, a different story..._ But, looking back at it as it was, maybe, just maybe, this story wasn't so bad after all.

_A different story, huh? Not bad... not bad at all... But what to call it...?_

_"The Tale of Naruto Uzumaki"... Yes... Just barely glorious... but... glorious... indeed..._

Hundreds of miles away, on a peaceful mountain, Naruto jerked out of his meditation.

* * *

"You good?" Tayuya asked, the stick in hand and ready to beat the frog-transformation straight out of him.

"I... I don't know," he admitted. "Something just..." He blinked rapidly, tears pooling in his eyes. "Huh?"

She dropped the stick and hugged him instead. "Ma and Pa will come back," she said, holding him close. "Just you wait, alright?"

And return they did. Ma came first. She didn't say a word. Pa could barely stand on his own. They wouldn't say anything. They didn't need to. Naruto and Tayuya sat by the nature oil spring, neither moving from the other, not even when the sun set.

"I'm gonna miss that old perv," she admitted quietly.

"Yeah," Naruto said hoarsely. "I already do."

* * *

Nagato stilled for a moment as he felt his old master's heartbeat fade. He hadn't imagined he would, but he _did_ feel pain in killing him. He chuckled hoarsely. "Oh I know pain," he muttered to himself. "More so every day. And once the world knows, truly knows pain, I will show them peace." He lifted his gaunt face to the light that fell in somewhere above in the tower. "Isn't that what you always wanted, Jiraiya?"

Konan returned to his chamber in silence, she didn't so much as spare him a glance. Nagato knew she was upset, even though she didn't show it. It was just another hurt, more pain for him to bear to world peace.

"We will move soon," he said, still gazing into the light. "The loss of Jiraiya will have weakened the nine tail's container."

"As it has weakened us?"

He turned his gaze to her, coughing dryly. Her eyes shone with tears. "Yes," he admitted, "as it has weakened us."

_Yahiko,_ he addressed the pale light,_ would you cry as well...?_

* * *

Tsunade spun around in her seat, her gaze finding the windowsill all by itself but... there was no one there. She swallowed dryly. No, she must have imagined. She turned back to her work. Just imagined, yes. The letter of the Raikage blurred before her eyes. Dammit! She blinked harshly against the tears pooling in her eyes. Just her imagination, and yet it felt as if her heart had been torn apart.

She pulled the sake out that night, but she didn't drink. She'd never drink again. Tsunade put a cup on the windowsill and left it there, where it would remain. She was still staring at the cup when Ma and Pa dropped by. It didn't surprise her. It didn't hurt any less.

Losing loved ones always hurt.

* * *

The assault begun without preamble. Tsunade had barely dried her tears when the west gate sounded the alarm. The emergency protocols were already in motion when Cat and Boar dropped from the ceiling at her side.

"So that's all the mourning period we get, huh?" She glanced at Cat. "Who's at the gate?"

"It seems to be pain himself," she answered. "A burly man, Rinnegan eyes."

Since Pa returned, they knew that there were at least six of them, even if they had yet to figure out Jiraiya's last message. "Who's fighting him?"

"Gai and Kakashi are at the gate," Boar reported. "No other unit has reported contact yet."

"Fine," Tsunade grunted, cracking her knuckles. "Let's get this over with. With or without Naruto, they won't have it easy with Konoha!"

She opened the window,_ Jiraiya's_ window, and filled the cup. It better not be empty when she returned.

* * *

It shouldn't have been this hard, Nagato idly noted. He lost three bodies just to get to the Hokage and then it turned out that the Kyuubi wasn't even within the village. Konan returned with the remains of the Asura Path, which Tsunade had viciously blown apart. The woman was supposed to be about as old as Jiraiya. Where did she take the strength from to decapitate the fully mechanized body? Unfortunately, they had yet to find the Naraka path, and while confined to his chair, Nagato could not summon the king of hell to restore the bodies. The Animal path had been devoured by Tsunade's summon, the acid inside instantly killing whatever was summoned, which also meant he could not assemble all the others, risking to damage more of his bodies. Working with Deva, Human and Petra would be enough for now.

He coughed, blood dribbling down his chin. In response the chair he was strapped into injected him with another dose of condensed Yang chakra. No matter how curative it was, it wouldn't keep him alive much longer. Still, the pressure on is chest eased up, if only for a moment.

"The jinchuriki is not here," he told Konan. "We will force him to come to us." Nagato ordered all of his bodies to retreat, leaving Yahiko's high in the sky above Konoha.

Konan looked at him with concern. "If you do this, your life will only fade faster."

He smiled almost ruefully at her. "Would you cry for me, dear Konan?"

"Of course I would!" she snapped back, her composure slipping.

Nagto leaned his head back, exhaling hoarsely and closing his eyes. "Then I haven't lost yet. I still remember your words, master..."

_When people get hurt, they learn to hate… When people hurt others, they become hated and racked with guilt. But knowing that pain allows people to be kind. Pain allows people to grow… and how you grow is up to you..._

Yahiko - the Deva Path- high up in the sky over Konoha, opened his eyes.

"Feel the pain...

Visualize the pain...

Accept the pain...

Know the pain ...

From now on...

Pain for the world..."

He spread his arms wide.

_I will never forget Yahiko's pain..._

"**Shinra Tensei**!"

* * *

When Sakura managed to pry her eyes open, everything hurt. She blinked, there was something on her face, but when she tried to move her left arm, she chocked back a scream. Her arm-! It-! She blinked hard against the tears. _Okay_, she needed t calm down! Biting her lips, she tuned out her probably severely mangled arm and tried to take in her surroundings.

It was dark, light filtering in somewhere above. Had she been buried? As her eyes adjusted, she took in the stone pillar that had somehow fallen right on top of her, yet only hit her left arm. Sakura didn't dare look at it, but her arm was wedged underneath the heavy stone just above her elbow. The pillar was enormous, her arm probably... gone.

She shook head. No, no this was okay. She was alive, for now. Her head hurt but she wasn't light headed, not bleeding out. She craned her head around, groaning as the motion pulled on her arm. She needed to get her arm out of there, overhead was a way out, or at least a way forward. She grimaced, putting her hand on her upper arm, softly letting some chakra run down the length of it. The damage was... bad. Not as bad as she had thought, the joint was mostly intact, but it was still bad. She bit her lip, numbing her arm with a light paralysis.

"Alright," she sighed to herself. "Better now than never..." She cocked her fist back, gathering her strength. This was going to hurt.

With as much delicacy and power as possible, she slammed her fist into the pillar. The vibration made her see stars, but the pillar broke and crumbled away and released her arm. She grimaced. Her left arm was a mess of bruises, her forearm bent and most definitely broken. Well, no external bleeding at least.

Breathing heavily, Sakura pulled herself over the remains of the pillar and climbed out of the hospital ruins. This place could very well have served as her tomb. She came across four other medics, two of them dead. Her colleagues. She shook her head. Thank the gods they had evacuated this place the moment the alarm was sounded. Sakura recognized the less destroyed parts of the building as the underground laboratories and the staircase was mostly intact.

After fifteen minuets of cruelly slow climbing and awkwardly fixing her arm, she finally reached daylight. And frozen. Everything was... gone.

"My gods," she whispered, helping a young woman out of the ruins.

All around them, every building as far as she could see had been razed. One giant crater had been left behind at the foot of the Hokage mountain, the tower, the academy and everything else was gone.

Others were crawling from the destruction. Most of them had been saved by Katsuyu. Had Lady Tsunade provided all the chakra for this? She dropped tiredly to her knees, clutching her arm. "We couldn't do it, huh?" she asked no one in particular. Her body trembled as she held back a sob. "We lost."

It shouldn't be. It shouldn't have come to this. Who had survived this? Was Ino okay? Kakashi? All the others? She was breathing heavily, fighting the tears. How had they not been enough? They got three, didn't they? Why wasn't it enough?

"Sakura!"

She recognized the voice. "Ino-!" she croaked, craning her head to the source of her voice. "You're alive!"

"We need to get away!" Ino urged, landing at her side with Choji, who looked like he had taken a sever beating, his entire face swollen.

"We- We lost," she stammered while Ino hoisted her up on her shoulder. "Konoha-! The village-"

"She's delirious," someone said. Sakura couldn't tell who.

Was she? Maybe? She felt very tired. Sad. "Where- Where's Naruto?"

She was whisked away from the crater just as a plume of smoke erupted in the center of it.

* * *

Hinata had barely oriented herself when Naruto arrived. She didn't see him, of course, given that she was behind a wall of rubble that separated her and a group of survivors from the abyss that had opened up right in the center of the village, but she could all but feel him. His chakra was brimming over the edges of the crater, as if he couldn't contain himself. She activated her Byakugan and gasped.

What in the world was _that_ chakra! She had never seen something like this before!

"Ko!" she addressed the Hyuuga next to her, "I need to go up there!"

"Wha-! Lady Hinata!" He futile called after her but she was already halfway atop the rubble.

There, in the center of the crater, was Naruto. The month had somehow drastically changed his aura. All of his chakra was somehow writhing around, stretching and pulling at the very world around it. So much unlike Pain, the solid wall of chakra concentrate in this unnatural body. Hinata got closer, up to the edge of the crater, until she could read their lips, almost hear them. She absently noted the two frogs with the absurd amount of chakra to them that jumped off a big scroll Naruto was carrying.

"-the Sage Mode our old teacher didn't complete?" Pain asked, not a muscle in his face so much as twitching as he spoke.

Naruto scowled, the are around his eyes discolored, the pupils malformed into a rectangular shape. "You don't get to call Jiraiya your teacher!" he spat.

"This is one Jiraiya ain't got to fight," Hinata caught the green frog say, "He's an entirely different one, he is!"

Ko caught up to her, startling her for a moment and only half a second was enough for the fight to begin. She didn't manage to see it happen, she had focused on the frogs, but Naruto reduced one of the Pains into a mess of flesh on the ground, no doubt shredded to pieces by a powerful Rasengan. That was already one down. Only the bulkier one and the one the frogs had talked about remained.

Naruto briefly vanished from her field of vision, judging by the surprised gasp next to her, probably from Ko's as well, before he suddenly fell out of the sky, a Rasengan in each hand. He would have slammed directly into the burlier of the two reaming Pains, but the attack was avoided as if seen coming.

Naruto paused, scowling first at the crater he had created, then at the one Pain he hadn't attacked. "Linked vision alright," he muttered.

"Impressive," Pain responded. "But you've been too slow. My power returned." He lifted his hand and suddenly Naruto was violently pushed back and, without any means to stop himself, the second Pain caught hims easily.

_Oh no!_ Hinata had seen this one kill several people by draining their chakra down to nothing! She needed to-!

"Oi! Hinata!"

She whirled around, deactivating her Byakugan. "Tayuya! You're here!"

The redhead scoffed. " 'course I am! Come on, get the hell out of here!" She grabbed Hinata's arm and pulled her up. "Lover boy's got it covered for now!"

"But-!" He couldn't be fine like this! He got captured just now! Hinata activated her Byakugan and saw- Huh? The body of Pain was crumbling away, leaving Naruto without the strange chakra but perfectly fine otherwise.

"No buts!" Tayuya ordered. "Move your tits or I will move them for you!"

Ko sputtered in outrage as she let herself be dragged away from the scene. She prayed that it would soon be over.

It wouldn't be.

* * *

Somehow it got worse. Something happened and Yugao couldn't tell what it was, even as the earth shook repeatedly. She was busy treating Kakashi's many wounds, his chakra exhaustion and her own bruises. They had encountered what identified himself as the Deva Path of Pain, the one to seemingly control gravity to a certain extent, or at least some kind of magnetism.

That idiot Kakashi had almost gotten himself killed in an effort to protect her after Gai had... She shook her head. She needed to focus on stopping the bleeding. The nail had torn straight through his lung so she needed to stop him from drowning in the same breath.

"Idiot," she muttered for the hundredth time under her breath, trying to uphold her mediocre medical jutsu. She couldn't tell if it actually worked, but Kakashi was breathing evenly, so at least he hadn't died yet. She'd dare him, brave and reckless idiot! "Don't you leave me, too..." she whispered.

The shelter they were hiding in was empty save for them, which was absolutely terrible, given that there should be about a hundred people who were assigned to seek protection in this shelter. It was just sad how easily they had been overpowered. Laughable even. To think Jiraiya had fought them all alone...

The ground shook violently again and the ceiling cracked ominously. If this went on for much longer, they would need to leave the shelter lest they'd be buried alive.

* * *

Neji knew that Pain was strong. That was a well established fact and the village didn't need to be flattened to prove that. And now, somehow, Naruto was matching that power. It was utterly terrifying. The viciousness in each of Naruto's strikes could have torn a man apart if the concussive shock waves were anything to go by. But he was tiring much faster than Pain. The strange chakra he used was running out very fast and soon it would be gone entirely.

He had replenished it once before, Neji had seen it. He observed at the toad elder unfurled the summoning scroll again to provide another shadow clone. Neji really hoped that he had a lot of the, otherwise this entire fight looked awfully grim. Should he interfere? He would. He was ready to go down there and help Naruto if only he wouldn't be so utterly useless in this fight. This body fighting had no real chakra network anymore, there was nothing to block. He would only be in the way.

Naruto threw one of those ridiculously huge Rasenshurikens at Pain. Moments later, the chakra left his body almost entirely. While a new crater was added to the landscape, the toad elder prepared another summoning. Only to be ripped of the ground and straight towards Pain. This wasn't good. Neji threw a kunai as hard as he could right at Pain's head but the damned bastard merely bobbed his head to avoid it. Naruto dived after the toad but he was too slow to react.

The crunch of metal through flesh and bone shattered the silence around them. Naruto could barely cry out before yet another metal rod was produced to pin him to the ground, the toad elder forgotten on the ground, dead.

Neji immediately rose to his feet but before he could jump down into the crater, someone vaulter over his head. A streak of red hair fell over his face as she almost pushed him down into the ground. That was-!

Alright, that's it! Neji immediately dashed right after her. Being in the way! Who even cared!? Naruto needed help to defeat this monster and as long he could still move, Neji'd be damned if he didn't at least try! He was a Hyuuga prodigy, not some random fuck up!

* * *

It was surprising, Nagato had to admit it. He was certain the entire village had resigned themselves to the fact that the jinchuriki would carry out this battle. Obviously that was a miscalculation. The first one to show up was a redhead, an Uzumaki perhaps? She thew an inordinate amount of paper bombs his way but he blocked them easily. The smoke subsided and- Ah. Not bad. She had used the distraction to get the boy away from him.

Immediately thereafter he was assaulted by not one, but two Hyuuga. A young man and woman, both too close to the receptors than he'd liked. Four seconds until he could push them away. It was time that wouldn't be spent with small talk, it seemed. All around him shinobi dropped into the carter and assaulted him with whatever they had at hand, from kunai to iron rods everything was thrown his way.

Two seconds. A fireball forced him and the two Hyuuga into the air.

"YOUTH!" Someone kicked him in the back, the impact almost breaking the body's spine and sent him careering into the ground. This was troublesome. Obviously both Gai and Kakashi had found their way here. He rolled out of the way of a chakra reinforced sword that had almost served his head from his shoulders. A swift kick sent the woman flying. Only a moment until-

"Back away!" he heard Hatake shout.

_Hm_, the man had apparently learned from their first encounter. Still, they wouldn't be fast enough.

"_**Shinra Tensei**_!"

The shock wave was marginally weaker than before and took a far greater toll on his body than Nagato had anticipated. This wasn't good.

"CHARGE!" he heard Gai yell before at least five dozen ninja released a battle cry and began their assault anew.

"Seventh Gate! The Gate of Wonder! **OPEN!**"

Now that was something he hadn't heard before. Nagato knew of the gates, all eight of them, but had never before actually seen someone use them. The Rinnegan caught the moment Might Gai opened the seventh with startling clarity. That was one immense power boost. Hatake was already upon him with his Raikiri and if this had been the usual standoff, that wouldn't have been a problem. However, Nagato would need a long moment of concentration to move the other paths to the Deva body, a moment he wouldn't be granted anytime soon.

This, he noted, might turn out very bad. He needed to get Yahiko's body out of there and return with all six paths separately available.

* * *

"Naruto!"

Sakura skidded to an unsteady halt right besides him. Tayuya had already removed the black rod from his hands and helped him sit up.

"Idiot," Tayuya muttered, "You blasted Sage mode far too fast." She turned to Sakura. "Hey there pinky, fix up his hands, will you?"

Sakura nodded, glancing behind her to see almost everyone still able to fight charged Pain. While she knitted the bones in Naruto's hand back together, Tayuya pulled a flute out of her tunic and started playing. She could barely hear the melody over the fighting going on but whatever it was, it seemingly put Naruto into a state of meditation. Her skin tingled as something crawled through her chakra network and towards Naruto. What in the world-?

"**_Shinra Tensei_**!"

Her eyes widened. "Oh god-!"

The explosion of force erupted behind her and she manged to shield her body with both arms. However, nothing ever reached them, no matter how hard the ground shook. Sakura pried her eyes opened and spied Hinata shielding them with a wall of spun chakra. "Hinata!" she exclaimed in relief. "You're alright!"

Hinata dropped her jutsu, smiling tiredly at her. "I was lucky," she said.

Neji arrived next. "Are you all unharmed? Good." He peered back at the fighting. "We may be able to overwhelm him, he's obviously weakened." He returned his eyes to them. "Can we-" He halted, eyes widening. "What is this?"

Sakura turned around as well and stared at Naruto in amazement. His eyes had changed color to a warm yellow, an orange tint now coloring the skin around them.

"Sage mode," Naruto said with a grin. He grasped Tayuya's hand. "Thanks for that."

Tayuya huffed and decked him with her flute. "Get yourself captured again and I'll kick your ass myself."

"Sage?" Neji parroted. "As in... Toad Sage?"

"The very same, " Tayuya said, helping Naruto to his feet. "Though if he goes all pervy on us I'll be the first one to kick his teeth in."

Naruto huffed angrily, but smiled at her still. "Come on, let's get this over with." He looked at them. "I need you guys to keep Pain here. There's someone I need to find."

* * *

Tsunade hadn't been able to rejoin the fighting after Pain unleashed his full power on the village. She had spent too much chakra on protecting as many as she could with Katsuyu and could barley even move at this point. A stream of almost constant explosions and vigorous exclamations of "**_YOUTH_**!" shook the entire area for all but fifteen minutes since she regained consciousness before everything suddenly fell silent. Nothing. No fighting, no cheering.

It made her uneasy. "Hawk," she croaked out, her throat unbearably dry. "Go! See what's going on."

"But Lady Hokage-!" He protested but Tsunade wouldn't have any of it.

"Go!" she ordered breathlessly.

He didn't move for a moment before he bowed his head and vanished in a swirl of leaves. Ten seconds later, her returned.

"It's over, Lady Tsunade," he said, kneeling down at her side. "It appears that Pain's body has stopped moving."

She relaxed with a relieved breath. "Truly? Oh, thank god... Did you see if we lost anymore people?"

He shook his head. "I saw nothing above some mild injuries. It seems that it's over for now."

Maybe it was, she thought. But that didn't make it better that they lost hundreds. She couldn't find Shizune, hadn't seen Boar since she ordered him to aid Kakashi and Gai, she imagined to have seen the lifeless body of Shikamaru somewhere in the rubble... This victory came at too high a price. She was losing consciousness again. She couldn't. Not now, not when the village needed her most-!

And just before Tsunade's eyes fell shut, a stream of green light illuminated the sky. It was strangely beautiful and, somehow, Tsunade took comfort in it. She faded into unconsciousness with a strained smile, one that would last for several weeks until she would wake up again to a world, whole once more, as if it all had been nothing but a bad dream.

* * *

The moment Naruto and Tayuya came into view, the entire village, every single soul that had been returned, broke into a thunderous cheer all around Hinata. It lasted for about four seconds before Tayuya suddenly screamed at them, "Shut the fuck up you idiots!" Almost everyone flinched back in surprise. "If you wake Akari I'll do you in again, you her me!" she hissed.

Hinata didn't know why, but Tayuya was, true to her words, carrying her daughter in a sling on her back. She didn't truly carry her all this time, right? She would never be that reckless. Hinata jogged forwards, followed by most of their friends.

Tayuya's face soured the moment Shikamaru lazily walked over to them as well. "Ugh. And I asked him to leave you out of it."

"Being dead is a drag," Shikamaru shrugged.

Hinata shook her head. "Are you okay?" she asked, nervously glancing between the three of them.

"Relax, girl," Tayuya laughed. "I sure as hell didn't have ma little girl with me."

Hinata blushed. "I- I didn't think you-!"

Naruto laughed loudly but cut himself off with an audible wince. "Ugh, right. Hole in my gut. Sakura?" he asked sheepishly. "Could you, uh, fix that?"

Sakura arched and eyebrow, which twitched at an astounding pace. Then she socked Naruto right in the face. "You idiot!" she hissed at him. "You could have taken some more people with you!"

"Yeah," Tayuya agreed, looking down at him. "She's right with that." Then she glared at Sakura. "Don't hit him again. That's my job." She kicked Naruto's head, lightly that is, for emphasis.

Lee, who was missing a huge part of his clothing around his midsection, laughed uproariously. "The flames of youth! Fan them more!"

Hinata didn't manage to smile. She had lost Lee some time after they took down the first body. He must have been almost split in half by the machinated Pain. She couldn't bear thinking about it. But it was fine now, she told herself. Over and done with.

She flinched when Tayuya pulled her into a one armed hug, Akari sitting on the other. "Don't look so down now, it'll make your tits sag. And that would make dog boy back there real sad."

Kiba coughed suspiciously, avoiding her embarrassed look.

Hinata blushed furiously. "T-Tayuya!" she exclaimed.

She just laughed in response. "Come on. I want to take a shower, a bath and get fucked. But for all that, I need at least a god damn shack. So everyone!" she shouted, facing the crowd. "Get a fucking move on! I wanna have a bed to sleep in before it's dark!"

They all looked at her with various degrees of confusion.

"Did I stutter?" she asked incredulously. "Move, you fucking apes! The village is a god damn ruin! Go rebuild it for fuck's sake! You can worship lover boy's ass after I'm done with him!"

"Yes, mam!" Lee and Gai shouted, saluting her, before sprinting at the rubble. "I'll rebuild three houses before the sun has sat or I'll have to do ten by sunrise!" No one was sure who made that pledge. Not that it mattered.

Everyone else shared an uneasy look before shrugging and getting to work. Hinata smiled, even as Akari tore a hair from her head.

"Well," Kakashi sighed, lazily leaning on Yugao to his left. "A bed would be nice, I guess."

"I call dibs on the center of the crater," Kiba claimed.

"Hey!" Ino huffed angrily. "That's were my clan lived!"

"Yeah?" Kiba questioned, smirking. "Can't say I see any evidence of that!"

"You little-!"

Hinata jumped when Naruto hugged both Tayuya and her from behind with an arm around their shoulders, ruffling his daughter's hair. He smiled widely at them. The shiner he got from Sakura was already healing at a visible pace.

"So," he began, "I guess it's time to build a house, then." He nudged Tayuya's head with his. "Where'd you want to put it?"

"Yours? In me," she said flatly. Hinata's face burned. "The house? As far from the dogs as possible." She wrinkled her nose. "I don't need to wake up to that smell."

Naruto laughed, letting go. "I guess we can do that." He wiggled his eyebrows at Tayuya. "Both."

Tayuya rolled her eyes. "Stop that, you're making Hinata faint."

She wasn't, she wanted to argue, but she did feel light headed already. So she smiled uneasily at them.

"Right, almost forgot," Tayuya suddenly said. "Hold that." She handed her Akari, who didn't complain in the slightest, before grabbing Naruto's shirt. And headbutted him. _Hard_."That's for almost dying on me, you fuck." Naruto winced, but smiled sheepishly at her. He opened his mouth, probably to apologize, but Tayuya kissed him before he could.

Hinata smiled still, even while it hurt seeing them. But, she noted, it wasn't the ugly kind of pain anymore. She was thankful for that. At least she wouldn't be some kind of jealous shrew. She looked down at Akari, who was silently peering up at her.

"Mommy and Daddy are weird, huh?" she silently whispered to the child.

"DA!"Akari exclaimed, giggling.

Naruto, still in a ferocious lip-lock with Tayuya, all but slingshot himself over to them, leaving Tayuya to sway surprised in her spot. "Did she just-!" He carefully took Akari from her grasp, who gurgled happily. "Say it again! Daddy!"

Akari peered up at him. I almost looked like her face was scrunched up in concentration. Then she opened her mouth and Hinata almost laughed at the sheer range of eager expectation on Naruto's face.

"MOMI!" his little daughter exclaimed.

"_NOOO_!" Naruto wailed, falling to his knees. The dramatic made both Hinata and Akari laugh almost uncontrollably.

Tayuya walked up from behind Naruto and decked him over the head. "I sure as hell wasn't finished with you yet," she grumbled before bowing down and taking Akari from him. "Now, love, say it. _Mommy_."

"MOM! MOMY!" Akari laughed happily.

"That's so unfair!" Naruto whined, still kneeling.

"S-She'll say it soon for sure," Hinata tried, hesitantly patting his head. Wow, that was like stroking silk!

Naruto's head snapped up. He gazed at her with stars ins his eyes. "Really!?"

How in the world could she say no now? "Y-Yes!"

He jumped to his feet, captured her in a hug and spun her around. "_Meep_!?" She managed to stay conscious for about three spins and a lot of excited laughter from everyone around them before she finally fainted.

* * *

**A/N: Ta-da! :3**


End file.
